Redefining Your Self Image

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I was on a coaching call with this amazing woman this week and she brought to life a topic that we talk about often and wrestle with throughout our lives. Sometimes the battle is a bit fiercer than at other times, but I am yet to meet a girl who hasn’t raged it at some point.

We were talking about self-image. You know, that constant talk that runs like a broken record through your head? The things that you are thinking about yourself, and the things that you wonder if other people are thinking.

The self-talk goes something like this…

“Did he think I sounded stupid?”

“Did I look as fat as I felt standing next to her?”

“I didn’t do nearly as well as the others did.”

“I bet my son’s teacher thinks I’m a shitty mom.”

“I definitely laughed too loud at that.”

“I can never get my shit together.”

“I felt like he was watching me eat.”

“I’ll never be good enough to get promoted.”

“Why did I wear THIS???”

And they are all the thoughts that keep us exactly where we are.

Stuck.

Unable to progress. Unable to grow. Unable to access the incredible things inside of us that are suffocated by these stories we tell ourselves.

The woman that I had the coaching call with explained her experience so clearly. She said that every morning she wakes up, and before she even gets out of bed, she takes

attendance.

Self-doubt?...HERE!

Lack of confidence?...HERE!

Self-Loathing?...HERE!

Failure?...HERE!

Chubs?...HERE!

Complete fake?...HERE!

She checks in with all her demons and then proceeds to carry them with her throughout her day.

And damn, my friends, THAT is a heavy load to carry.

No matter how many demons you have, it is a heavy load. They become like little 5# rocks. When you pick it up, it initially feels like nothing- a fleeting thought or an idea to gaff off. But then as the day goes on, that thought, that 5# rock, gets heavier and more burdensome to carry.

Your hand feels crampy, so you put it in the crook of your arm. But then your elbow feels locked up, so you switch back to your hand. This time, your hand fatigues even faster. You add a couple more 5# rocks to the collection and juggle to hold them all.

Soon, that 5# rock is all you can think about. You become obsessed with the discomfort that that damn thing is imposing and everything around you is lost in the pain of that once seemingly small rock.

That is how negative thoughts work to obsess and paralyze us. It is a place that none of us want to be, but we all find ourselves in.

So how do we stop picking up rocks? How do we stop allowing self-destructive ways-of-being to show up for roll call?

The answer is simple.

It requires that we shift our attention from our negative, self-limiting thoughts (what we suck at) to what we are good at.

That’s it. Literally. A shift in attention.

Here is where I am envisioning your wide eyes and silent lips and it is either because you are

thinking:

1-“WRONG! It is going to take a whole lot of counseling, talks with my girlfriends, and possibly a bit of wine for me to get rid of this bag of rocks.”

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OR

.

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2-“Holy shit. Tell me more.”

Either way, stay with me. Reading is cheaper than counseling, healthier than wine, and your girlfriends will love this idea, too. I want to teach you one way that you can start to make that shift and challenge you to start becoming the person you know you really are.

The field of positive psychology says that in order to overcome adversity and make a change, we have to have 3 positive, affirming thoughts for every 1 negative thought. Think about that for a minute.

How many times a day do you pat yourself on the back?

When is the last time you said, “Daaaaamn, girl, you look hot!”

Have the words I am really good at…crossed your lips EVER?

It’s not likely that you are in the habit of this self-love stuff. It isn’t in our nature to focus on our positive attributes, our successes, and our impact on the world. We take these amazing traits, abilities and accomplishments and minimize and quantify them. Want proof? Next time someone gives you a compliment, examine your response.

Did you say thank you and explain how hard you worked to do, be or look the way that elicited the compliment? Probably not. It is much more likely that your response went something like pftor ugh, followed by either a comparison that makes you lesser of the two, or a quantification that minimizes your achievement.

So how do we start putting tallyies in the positive thoughts column?

We start with reality.

Typically I am a follow-your-heart kind of girl; The rules are different in this game.

Fuck your feelings- emotions are bullshit when it comes to this work. They will take you on a wild ride and leave you right where you started- in a puddle of self-pity and self-hate hitting the Buy Now button on Amazon for another self-help book.

Starting with reality means taking a look at yourself and your life with an objective eye.

Analyze the details and start asking yourself some questions:

-What do you excel at professionally?

-What makes you a good mother/sister/friend?

-What do people come to you for help with?

-Why do others want to be around you?

-What would your mother, in her unconditional love, say about you?

-What is your #1 physical feature?

The traits that start to emerge may surprise you. While when it comes to self-confidence, you may be meek, yet it is very possible that you are fearless when comes to professional confidence. These discoveries are THE most important part of this work. When we can see ourselves through a different lens, we can begin to reshape our self-image.

Once you have generated a list of descriptors- actual words that paint a picture of the best of you- you have to decide which ones will be the most powerful to mobilize so that you can start moving in the direction of your goals. Pick a few to focus on. 2-4 is a great range to stay within.

Now, convert that list of descriptors into I am statements. They will be simple, like this:

>>>I am strategic.

>>>I am lighthearted.

>>>I am tenacious.

>>>I am fearless.

>>>I am bold.

See? I told you it is simple. Three word sentences.

Now for the and.

It is simple and it takes a shit-ton of practice.

You have to OWN these statements. Write them in lipstick across your mirror. Bust out a sharpie and jot them down. They have to be defined and TOP. OF. MIND.

You have to tell yourself these realities over and over and over and over again.

When you look in the mirror, you have to envision your I am statements.

When you reflect on your day, you have to see your I am statements.

When you take attendance each morning, before you even get out of bed, it must be your I am statements that are shouting HERE.

Because what we tell ourselves, is what we become.

So you have two choices. You can continue to tell yourself the destructive lies that hold you back from ever being your authentic, incredible self, or you can press the repeat button on your I am statements. The statements that are already your reality in other areas of your life, and WILL become your reality in the area of self-image.

Who do you want attending your morning meeting?

If this hits a nerve, schedule a free coaching call with me and let’s chat.